i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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