I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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