You're my little dorito
You're so nebulous sometimes
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Randomize
