So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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