32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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