Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
i've created a new STD.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
