I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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