We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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