the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
too bad you live with your parents still
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
