You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
