She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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