I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
3pm strippers are depressing
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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