Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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