Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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