I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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