I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
