All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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