so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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