didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
