dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
