sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
