I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Randomize
