Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
