she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
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