I haven't been this sober since birth.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
