Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
