So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
He's a Shit stain on my heart
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
