The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
