We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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