Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
