I'm really into asian looking animals
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
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