I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
