dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
