Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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