Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
