He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Randomize
