there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
