I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Hello my rib-scented angel!
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