I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
