I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Randomize
