I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
it's like heaven, but drunker
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
