the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
