I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
