how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
