I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
