Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
