WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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