The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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