Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
