Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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