How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
